Blowin' in the Wind

Ah, wedding season is upon us. It seems everyone is getting hitched or engaged these days! It's that time of year :) So congratulations to all of you, and I'm so happy for the vast majority of you!!

Let me set the record straight - I am not opposed to marriage. I think it's a wonderful & beautiful thing. And perhaps there will come a day when it's what I want...perhaps. In the meantime, leave me the fuck alone. Do not ask me when Andy & I are going to get married. Gee, I guess we'd have to get engaged first. So maybe once there's a ring on my finger you can ask me that. Until then, fuck off.

I know that none of the people this is directed to will ever read this, and the people who will read it aren't like that, but I just needed to get it out somewhere. I am SO sick of people asking me that. I will not be someone who gets married solely out of the fact that society says it should be the next step in my relationship. I'm happy where I'm at.

ANYWAY.

Today was my colonoscopy. I went & saw Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeroes last night, and then came home & took 18 doses of laxative. I slept for 2 hours & then made Number Twos for about 5. It all went fine, though. I have Irritable Bowel Syndrome (as suspected). I have a new prescription, which is supposed to help with the pain & I have to drink Citrucel every morning. I'm practically 80 with my fiber supplements! Oh well, if it helps! They found 'pseudopolyps', which they took some to biopsy, but he said that they are typical in younger people so should not be an issue. I have a follow up in 4 weeks, and I will keep you posted on any bowel updates. ;)

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
- Mark Twain

You hear it all the time: age ain't nothin' but a number, age is a state of mind, you're only as old as you feel, and so on & so forth. While I agree with this to a point, I'm beginning to wonder - what of age differences in relationships? If you're 80 but you 'feel' 18, should you date an 18 year old? I'd lean toward no...

Until recently I've been a firm believer in the "half your age plus seven" rule. It was basically the gospel in Rolla, and was so concrete in my mind that I didn't even look twice at people outside it. Well, as you might know, the last person I had a 'thing' with was outside this comfort zone. Just barely, though, so I could justify it if I needed.

Now, that is over, and I've started talking to someone who I think I may like to pursue further. Of course, "further" just means talk to him outside of work, so far. It could end up that there is some thing that I find out that just destroys this before it happens, but assuming there's not.... how old is too old?

I believe it should somehow be percentage-based, and ultimately I think most people are of that same mindset (the half-plus-seven is sort of based on this same logic...But when you get past a certain age it gets sort of creepy - a 90 year old and a 52 year old? I guess Hugh Hefner is still kicking even that in the ass). For instance, 6 years between 28 & 34 - not a big deal. 6 years between 21 & 15 - totally creepy. Right? But where....what....is this magic percent? Is it 80% of your age? So if you're 50, you can date a 40 year old by this rule, but all the way down to 32 with the half plus 7 rule....

This particular guy (we'll call him Morning) is 15 years my senior. And when I look at that number, 15, I see many things: He graduated high school when I was 2 or 3. He could legally drink when I was 6. 15 years is 65% of my life so far, and less than 40 of his. However, when I don't look at that number, I also see many things. Different things. I find him adorable. He seems to be a genuinely nice person. We have a similar outlook on life. We have a lot in common & overlapping interests. These things are the important things...right?

Let's see....80% of 38 is...over 30...Damn. And Morning's half + 7 age = 26.

I'm not worried about what other people think, as long as I'm happy. But then I wonder about things like the variance in sexual peak: Males reach this peak between 18-25, whereas females reach it between 25-40. This means that by the time I am in this peak age range, he will be at least 40 but anywhere up to 55. That's pushin' the Viagra years!! However, considering that I won't be having sex in my peak with a man who is in his peak unless he's 10 or more years younger than me, do I factor that in at all? It's not fair to women that mentally they mature faster than males but sexually it's so much later. Uggg put this on the list of reasons I hate being a chick. :/



According to this made-up chart I found on a random blog, I am right smack dab in the middle of the sugar daddy age group. Hmmm...

What are your guys' thoughts on this? Is there something I'm not thinking of that should sway me one way or the other??

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But, if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

I promise after this entry I will stray away from all this girly emotional relationship nonsense! That shouldn't be too hard a promise to keep, as things on the house are moving along nicely...

I'm fed up. Not with him, exactly, just with this situation. I knew what I was getting into, and I was okay with it. For the most part, I am still okay with it. Because it is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. The frustrating part to me is that other opportunities, theoretically better opportunities, present themselves and I do not feel any desire to seize them. I think it's a matter of just how comfortable I am with him - it's so easy when it's easy. And when it's not, I get aggravated for an hour or so and then just ignore it, thus making the hard part easy too.

I love this situation with the exception of 1 thing. I want reliability. This is not to say I demand to hang out with you every day, or even every other day. Just that I can count on the fact that I will see you fairly regularly, and that when you say we'll do something we will. I don't expect you to take me out, I don't expect you to buy me things, but I should be able to expect you to answer the phone when I call and I should be able to expect you to consistently be nice to me.

Stop being so selfish. Just because you've been burned once doesn't mean everybody's out to get you.

All of a sudden, I'm not into the whole single life the way I have always always always been. I think this is only because Rasta is being so....well, I don't have a word. Inconsistent, perhaps? Maybe it's my fault - I get the impression lately I can't do anything right! Well, I guess if it were boring & easy with him I wouldn't like it at all. I think part of the reason I keep on perservering is because of the difficulty of it. But it's dumb of me to use this much effort for something that in the long run is going to be fruitless. But really, who cares about the long run? I'm workin' for the here & now.

It was a great Christmas and a great weekend. For Christmas I got Band of Horses - Cease to Begin on vinyl, and if you know me you know how happy that makes me. Also Wii Guitar Hero World Tour, Outdoor Adventure Games (I think that's the name - it has a mat much like the old NES trackpad - super sweet.) on Wii, awesome patchwork pants, several cool shirts, a sweater dress, an alarm clock, pajamas, Apples to Apples, an mp3 player, a 750 GB external HD....I pretty much cleaned up. AND even better I think everyone I got gifts for was genuinely happy with them.

This weekend I took the Amtrak to St. Louis for Shellie's wedding. Ended up being an hour & 20 minutes behind schedule, but then Daniel & I met up with Jeremy and his gf Bethany and went out to Novak's. Tom met us there & we got all liquored up. It was grand. Saturday was the day of the wedding, which was really fun. We got breakfast with Steve first, then all of a sudden I was very hungover so I just curled up in a ball until I had to go buy boots & a card. Then I snapped out of it and all wes well. The wedding was short, which is always good, and I liked their vows a lot. Then a group of us went to Blarneystone for pitchers & appetizers, then the reception. I drank a lot of red wine & got silly. Then after that was over we went to some weird gross townie bar for $10 all-you-can-drink. Tom made a friend who bounced on his lap all night long. Sunday was Jack in the Box taco day! Hooray!! Also we went to Katie's grad party, but not for very long. :( Then back home. Good times, good times. I wish I could find my battery charger, I need pictures!

MC & I were talking yesterday, as we often do. I told him I didn't think I really wanted a relationship. He told me I should see a therapist. ...Is this true?

Movement on the house. Shhh....don't wanna jinx it! More to come.