Tuesday, February 17, 2009
"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."
- Mark Twain
You hear it all the time: age ain't nothin' but a number, age is a state of mind, you're only as old as you feel, and so on & so forth. While I agree with this to a point, I'm beginning to wonder - what of age differences in relationships? If you're 80 but you 'feel' 18, should you date an 18 year old? I'd lean toward no...
Until recently I've been a firm believer in the "half your age plus seven" rule. It was basically the gospel in Rolla, and was so concrete in my mind that I didn't even look twice at people outside it. Well, as you might know, the last person I had a 'thing' with was outside this comfort zone. Just barely, though, so I could justify it if I needed.
Now, that is over, and I've started talking to someone who I think I may like to pursue further. Of course, "further" just means talk to him outside of work, so far. It could end up that there is some thing that I find out that just destroys this before it happens, but assuming there's not.... how old is too old?
I believe it should somehow be percentage-based, and ultimately I think most people are of that same mindset (the half-plus-seven is sort of based on this same logic...But when you get past a certain age it gets sort of creepy - a 90 year old and a 52 year old? I guess Hugh Hefner is still kicking even that in the ass). For instance, 6 years between 28 & 34 - not a big deal. 6 years between 21 & 15 - totally creepy. Right? But where....what....is this magic percent? Is it 80% of your age? So if you're 50, you can date a 40 year old by this rule, but all the way down to 32 with the half plus 7 rule....
This particular guy (we'll call him Morning) is 15 years my senior. And when I look at that number, 15, I see many things: He graduated high school when I was 2 or 3. He could legally drink when I was 6. 15 years is 65% of my life so far, and less than 40 of his. However, when I don't look at that number, I also see many things. Different things. I find him adorable. He seems to be a genuinely nice person. We have a similar outlook on life. We have a lot in common & overlapping interests. These things are the important things...right?
Let's see....80% of 38 is...over 30...Damn. And Morning's half + 7 age = 26.
I'm not worried about what other people think, as long as I'm happy. But then I wonder about things like the variance in sexual peak: Males reach this peak between 18-25, whereas females reach it between 25-40. This means that by the time I am in this peak age range, he will be at least 40 but anywhere up to 55. That's pushin' the Viagra years!! However, considering that I won't be having sex in my peak with a man who is in his peak unless he's 10 or more years younger than me, do I factor that in at all? It's not fair to women that mentally they mature faster than males but sexually it's so much later. Uggg put this on the list of reasons I hate being a chick. :/
According to this made-up chart I found on a random blog, I am right smack dab in the middle of the sugar daddy age group. Hmmm...
What are your guys' thoughts on this? Is there something I'm not thinking of that should sway me one way or the other??
age aint nothin but a number - aaliyah
4 comments:
In my humble opinion, when it comes to age, there isn't a magic number. It all comes down to maturity, really, and I know that probably sounds stupid and obvious, but still. For example, I'm 20 and as soon as people learn that, they want to group me with my peers, something I don't so much appreciate. No one takes into account life experiences or personality, when really, that's what's important. It's what you've been through that defines who you are, not how many birthday's you've celebrated. So, if you and this fella from work seem to have some chemistry, go for it! Why miss out on something awesome just because he happened to be born before you?
PS: Sorry this is long and kinda makes no sense. Haha!
Ok first, I'm digging this song! Haven't heard that for YEARS! LOVE IT!
Second that chart is amazing and funny...I'm printing it out and taking it to the guys at work!
Third, I feel like age is age...I think the "limit" changes as you age...for instance...when you are 13, anyone up to 16 is game but older than that is kinda creepy...when your 16, anyone up to 20 is game but older than that again weird...when you get 21, anyone who isn't 21 is out (can't go to the bar with you)...when your between 21 and 25 it starts to get blurry...reason being:
1. some older guys are WAY sexy and more mature than people your age
2. doesn't hurt for a dude to have a good job and be supporting himself
3. u start to realize you have shit in common with older people so your ok with it....for instance I totally kick it with 50 year old guys and woman sometimes now and they rock...not weird at all.
So in closing I think it's just a matter of how you feel about it. If ya'll "click" you can't stop that motion in the ocean! I'd rather be happy with an old dude than pissed at a young guy.
Only down side is: you better love him enough to take care of him when he needs his diaper changed and a pace maker. Take my step-grandma for instance she a chipper 65 and my grandpa is 83...she has spent all his money and now treats him like shit! Just another side...but if you love someone and end up with them your totally willing to change their diapers!
For instance if you get old and crazy and are still single, you can move in with us and I'll change your diapers! ;-P
LOL - My blog is not some "random blog" thankyouverymuch! Just kidding, it's all good! :)
I don't know if 15 years is that bad when the man is older. However, when the woman is older, we have to consider things like having children, etc...
@heart with wings - Make sure you have the correct explanations and samples with the chart! :)
Hey Ang, you probably didn't know that I read your blog, but I do occasionally. And I find it comforting to know that we are often thinking the same things. It's a shame that we both live in KC and haven't seen each other in long time. Anyways, I don't think 15 years is that much. Go for it! What do you have to lose? He'd probably be a much better guy than any of the immature asshats in Rolla. And, I love the graph!..I'm stealing it and posting it facebook. :)
-Kristin
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