Blowin' in the Wind

"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control, and at times hard to handle. But, if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

I promise after this entry I will stray away from all this girly emotional relationship nonsense! That shouldn't be too hard a promise to keep, as things on the house are moving along nicely...

I'm fed up. Not with him, exactly, just with this situation. I knew what I was getting into, and I was okay with it. For the most part, I am still okay with it. Because it is what it is. Nothing more, nothing less. The frustrating part to me is that other opportunities, theoretically better opportunities, present themselves and I do not feel any desire to seize them. I think it's a matter of just how comfortable I am with him - it's so easy when it's easy. And when it's not, I get aggravated for an hour or so and then just ignore it, thus making the hard part easy too.

I love this situation with the exception of 1 thing. I want reliability. This is not to say I demand to hang out with you every day, or even every other day. Just that I can count on the fact that I will see you fairly regularly, and that when you say we'll do something we will. I don't expect you to take me out, I don't expect you to buy me things, but I should be able to expect you to answer the phone when I call and I should be able to expect you to consistently be nice to me.

Stop being so selfish. Just because you've been burned once doesn't mean everybody's out to get you.

All of a sudden, I'm not into the whole single life the way I have always always always been. I think this is only because Rasta is being so....well, I don't have a word. Inconsistent, perhaps? Maybe it's my fault - I get the impression lately I can't do anything right! Well, I guess if it were boring & easy with him I wouldn't like it at all. I think part of the reason I keep on perservering is because of the difficulty of it. But it's dumb of me to use this much effort for something that in the long run is going to be fruitless. But really, who cares about the long run? I'm workin' for the here & now.

It was a great Christmas and a great weekend. For Christmas I got Band of Horses - Cease to Begin on vinyl, and if you know me you know how happy that makes me. Also Wii Guitar Hero World Tour, Outdoor Adventure Games (I think that's the name - it has a mat much like the old NES trackpad - super sweet.) on Wii, awesome patchwork pants, several cool shirts, a sweater dress, an alarm clock, pajamas, Apples to Apples, an mp3 player, a 750 GB external HD....I pretty much cleaned up. AND even better I think everyone I got gifts for was genuinely happy with them.

This weekend I took the Amtrak to St. Louis for Shellie's wedding. Ended up being an hour & 20 minutes behind schedule, but then Daniel & I met up with Jeremy and his gf Bethany and went out to Novak's. Tom met us there & we got all liquored up. It was grand. Saturday was the day of the wedding, which was really fun. We got breakfast with Steve first, then all of a sudden I was very hungover so I just curled up in a ball until I had to go buy boots & a card. Then I snapped out of it and all wes well. The wedding was short, which is always good, and I liked their vows a lot. Then a group of us went to Blarneystone for pitchers & appetizers, then the reception. I drank a lot of red wine & got silly. Then after that was over we went to some weird gross townie bar for $10 all-you-can-drink. Tom made a friend who bounced on his lap all night long. Sunday was Jack in the Box taco day! Hooray!! Also we went to Katie's grad party, but not for very long. :( Then back home. Good times, good times. I wish I could find my battery charger, I need pictures!

Skinned - Blind Melon

MC & I were talking yesterday, as we often do. I told him I didn't think I really wanted a relationship. He told me I should see a therapist. ...Is this true?

Movement on the house. Shhh....don't wanna jinx it! More to come.

It was a busy weekend, full of things that were completely unproductive and glorious!

Here's the rundown:

Friday - Mom's birthday! MC & I took her to a nice lunch at Le Monde(YUM chicken curry soup!!), but her work Christmas party was that evening, so her & Dad went to that. MC & his mom came over for Dinner & A Movie. Officially, we watched no movie. Rather, we played Scattergories, which is always fun. We let the Mom have some answers we wouldn't have given each other, which is how it always goes when Parents Play Board Games... It was a blast, though, and my tacos were delicious. I took no pictures, which bums me out, but it happens.

Saturday - Celebrated Mom's birthday. 1500, went to The Melting Pot, which is always fun, and very expensive. But fun. We were there until a little after 1800, so I'd guess part of the reason they're so expensive is the fact that a full meal takes over 3 hours - that's a long time to have a table tied up for one party. After that we headed over to Music Hall & watched the KC Ballet performance of The Nutcracker. It was pretty awesome - I liked it more than I expected to, and I actually went in with pretty high expectations. The music was wonderful, the dancing was flawless. I didn't get a chance to read the story behind it until afterward, so there were a few points where the plot was pretty much entirely lost on me. I'd decided that it was about one little girl's acid dream, after the tax man drugged her - not quite! :p Once that was over, we went to River Market Brewery for drinks. There was one ridiculously large man there, and his ridiculously drunk friend. They were annoying and we were tired, so we didn't stay but for a couple. They were having a special on their winter bock beer - $1 pints, and it was pretty tasty.







Sunday - Woke up LATE, to Mother Unit telling me it was 8:30. I was supposed to have been at Mike's house before 8 so we could be on our way to Arrowhead by 8:30. SH!T! I got ready in like 5 minutes and headed to his house - stopped for some McD's burritos & we were on our way. When we left his house it was really nice outside, by the time we got to the stadium (about a half hour later) there was freezing rain coming down and the temperature had dropped about 30 degrees!!! I heard on the radio that at KCI it went from 58 to 15 in FIVE minutes. We put our steaks on the grill & huddled in the car drinking the Heine mini-keg. Our seats, in the red zone, kicked total ass save the fact that the wind was blowing directly at us. I didn't mind, in my 4 shirts, 2 coats, scarf/hat/gloves, but Mike was wearing a t-shirt & a peacoat. He ended up buying $120 or so worth of Chiefs warmth, and we ended up moving over by Tina where the wind was less bad but the seats were just about as good. The boys ended up wimping out & Tina and I stayed until just about the end, when it was almost certain we'd win. We left, and by the time we got to the car, it was 2 minute warning. After that the Chargers scored 2 TDs, we missed a FG, and we lost. REALLY disappointing, but it was a good game. And that was about what I expected. After that, went to Tiff's dance recital, and then came home. It was cool to go to it, because I haven't seen her do ballet in a while, and I'm not sure I've ever seen her do en pointe. Tonight I'll go see her do jazz. She is a senior, so this will be the end of the recitals, which makes me sad. Partly because I didn't get to go to enough of them. Good intentions, but you know how that goes!


Considering I took this on my phone, you can tell we were up close & personal! :D


Tiff

christmas songs - Feliz Navidad - José Feliciano

C'mon...in the land of Christmas music, nobody does it better than Jose & his mariachi horns!!

My shiny new job title: process engineer. Sound about right. Good job RBar.

I am now officially full-time & permanent, and this means I have a job come January as well as insurance. Hooray insurance! I've been sick lately & wearing my glasses which has been terrifying. I desperately need new ones, so as soon as my card comes in the mail, I'm making that appointment! Yay new glasses!

As of yesterday, I am finished Christmas shopping! WITH 2 WEEKS TO SPARE! That's such a huge accomplishment for me! I'm really happy about this - AND I feel great about every single gift I'm giving. I am making a few still but have bought all the supplies to do so. Go me! I need to get these CDs made, finish my cards, and send out everything.

Last night I spent probably 3 hours making holiday dog treats. Audrey said they were disgusting, but Yoshimi was a big fan! I saved a whole batch for him & am giving the rest to all of my hippie (and not so much) friends with dogs. I wish I would have taken pictures of the process...I'm going to try to start doing that. Have a multimedia blog. :)

I am listening to KMNR right this second, and it makes me very happy. :D

So, being poor, and having my friends scattered all over God's country (or whosever country it may in fact be), I am trying to think of suitable Christmas gifts that are also cheap to mail, and I believe I've decided on some mix CDs. It's been a minute since I've made someone one. Largely because I get obsessed, and it becomes a beast much larger than it should be.

As Rob (John Cusack) in High Fidelity says: "The making of a great compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do and takes ages longer than it might seem. You gotta kick off with a killer, to grab attention. Then you got to take it up a notch, but you don't wanna blow your wad, so then you got to cool it off a notch. There are a lot of rules."

God I love that movie. God I love John Cusack. Marry me?

So now I've ruined the surprise. But heightened the anticipation, yeah?